Transcript of #3

 

Abnormally Funny People Podcast 3 Girls Just Wanna

 

Presented by Simon Minty and Steve Best

 

 

intro

Welcome to the Abnormally Funny People Show, sponsored by Barclays. For further information please visit abnormallyfunnypeople.com. We hope you enjoy the show.

[playing music]

steve

Hello, and welcome to the Abnormally Funny People podcast. This is our third podcast.

simon

Indeed it is. Thank you Mr Steve Best. I’m Simon Minty and we’re recording it a little bit early because we’re all currently on holiday. We didn’t need to tell you that though did we?

steve

No because we’re on holiday. But I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Steve Best and if you’re listening in to see if you won last month’s competition - well you have to wait until September’s show when we’ll announce the winners.

simon

You didn’t sound convinced about September there.

steve

Well we keep getting muddled about where we are.

simon

That’s because we’re on holiday! In case you didn’t know we release this podcast on the first Sunday of each month so it sets you up for the week. In an ideal world you’ll plan it in your diary or even subscribe then you don’t even have to think about it.

steve

That would be lovely. And we’d love to hear from you too. We need lots more listeners; we’ve got lots already but we’d like lots more. If you like us please review us as well to help us get up the rankings, so five stars.

simon

Nice. If you spot something that might be interesting, and we want to broaden this out so it could be a show, it could be something at the cinema, a film, theatre whatever it might be, if it’s related to disability let us know, and if it’s about to happen we’ll try and go and see it. You can email us with any of your ideas at podcast@abnormallyfunnypeople.com. We’re also on Facebook and we’re on Twitter too.

steve

Twitter too, what’s Twitter too?

simon

It’s where we are.

steve

Okay. So who have we got on this month’s show?

simon

We have two guests. I’m very excited, we have an all female line-up. We have Lisa Hammond and we have Shannon Murray - they’re both pretty awesome people.

steve

Yes they are. And we’re looking at products again.

simon

Absolutely. We’re giving it away. Keep it quiet.

steve

Yes.

simon

And we also will get them to tell us what their moment of the month was. And also tell us what they’re up to in the near future.

[playing music]

steve

Welcome to our guests on this month’s Abnormally Funny People show. First up is Lisa, Lisa Hammond is an actor who many years ago started out in Grange Hill. She’s also been in ‘Max and Paddy’, ‘Psychoville’, what else have you been on? Vera?

lisa

Vera’s coming up.

steve

And lots of others.

lisa

‘Eastenders’, I’m doing at the moment.

steve

Yes, lots of other stuff.

simon

And we have Shannon Murray who is also an actor, a model and a trainee lawyer. Are you fully qualified now?

shannon

I’ve got six weeks left to go. And then I qualify.

simon

By the time this comes out you will be a fully qualified lawyer.

shannon

Will I? Is this like a step into the future?

simon

It is. That’s very exciting.

shannon

Excellent.

Steve

That’s true isn’t it? Yeah. Fantastic. So let’s kick off with our regular feature, it’s called ‘Moment of the Month’ so it’s anything you’ve seen this month disability-wise or not really. So, Lisa, your moment of the month?

lisa

Disability-wise, now I’ve had to think about this one because I couldn’t think of one that was really sticking out for me but it was a personal one I suppose. The other day I was at a sort of an industrial shopping estate - what do they call those, the parks?

simon

Mall. Shopping mall.

lisa

Yeah.

steve

That’s American isn’t it?

lisa

Shopping mall.

shannon

The ones where the shops are outside rather than shopping centre where they’re inside.

lisa

It’s like B&Q.

shannon

Retail park.

lisa

Yeah retail park, that’s it. So I was at a retail park with my mum, lovely day. And we decided to go and get some food in - am I allowed to say the restaurant?

steve

Yes you can. Don’t worry about that.

lisa

We were in KFC.

steve

I can’t believe you said that.

simon

Oh not that one.

lisa

Oh my god.

steve

We’re sponsored by them. No we’re not really.

lisa

And so me and my mum were in KFC and I was thinking oh this is nice, having a chat. And then these six, seven guys, they must have been 14/15 they were all going absolutely nuts because they recognised me off the telly and I was thinking to myself after that so we had loads of selfies together and I was still in the queue and it was causing a big commotion in this KFC. And then loads more people were asking me for photos and I was sitting down with my mum and we were just having our meal and everything and then each one of them as they went past me to go out of the restaurant they were waving like really enthusiastically at me. So I kept putting my hand up waving each time, like seven times. And I thought how interesting is this because those are the kind of guys that in the past would be the kind of people that would say, “Oh look at her” or “Here’s your new girlfriend” do you know what I mean? What I mean is I had a sort of momentary experience of how powerful the media is for that second. And how the fact that they didn’t see me as a problem disability-wise at all, they were like so pleased.

steve

The fame game.

shannon

Being on TV sexes it up.

lisa

Yeah exactly. It just wasn’t a problem. They were touching me. You know what this is like, Simon, people get a bit funny with small people and like…

simon

Yeah we’re both short.

lisa

Exactly. And they get funny about touching you because they don’t really know.

simon

Except for some people who think we’re really lucky.

lisa

Well the opposite. Yeah the patting on the head.

shannon

Oh the ones that like to touch you because it’s like rubbing Buddha.

lisa

Yeah.

shannon

Yeah I get that.

lisa

And they try to do it secretly funnily enough.

shannon

Yeah they can touch your shoulder.

lisa

Yeah like trying to rub you.

simon

Normally that’s when their luck runs out.

lisa

Not in a good way.

steve

Did you get free chicken though?

lisa

No I didn’t get free chicken. I don’t think any of the people behind the counter was actually interested or bothered.

steve

They didn’t care.

lisa

In their eyes I was causing far too big a commotion for them.

shannon

Is the Black Nando’s Card true?

lisa

The what?

shannon

Black Nando’s Card.

lisa

What does that mean?

shannon

Apparently if you’re a celebrity and you eat loads of Nando’s you get a Black Nando’s Card.

lisa

Really?

shannon

Yes.

lisa

I’m going to so try that.

steve

Which means you get free…

shannon

You get your free Nando’s.

lisa

Free chicken? Free piri piri.

simon

Going back because I sometimes say being the way I am it’s like being famous because you get all this attention but for no reason.

lisa

Exactly.

simon

But now you’ve crossed over the line that you are famous in the sense that you’re on prime time television but you’re saying it is different.

lisa

I’ve always been aware even from when I started in ‘Grange Hill’ the stare of recognition of you off the telly or you off of stage…

steve

Is an accessible stare?

lisa

Yeah is totally an accessible stare.

shannon

It’s a friendlier stare.

lisa

It’s an upward, lighter intonation visually and vocally. They’re just much more liked about it and it’s fascinating actually because you look at it and we’re all used to - well I don’t know about you, Steve - but Steve is here as the token able-bodied…

steve

Exactly.

lisa

Yeah you’re probably not used to it, although you are bald.

steve

Easy! Is that a disability now?

lisa

It’s not a disability.

steve

It’s a stare.

lisa

It’s a stare maybe, I don’t know.

steve

Yeah definitely. My kids constantly pat me on the head and all this stuff.

lisa

Rub your head.

shannon

Rub your head for luck on the way out to school. Got an exam today, Dad.

simon

Do you prefer this kind of attention to the other or would you rather not have any?

lisa

Are you kidding me, of course I prefer it, it’s like so much more positive.

simon

Right.

lisa

But I can literally tell the difference between someone that’s recognised me and someone that’s looking out of curiosity about my body or the way I’m moving or… That’s why it’s fascinating.

steve

Do you notice they’re curious as well as being into you as being famous maybe?

lisa

No, in a way… Well, famous I think is putting it mildly but recognisable, putting it too much I mean. Putting it mildly, oh yeah…

simon

I’m a superstar.

lisa

I’m an A-lister here.

simon

We have superstar Lisa Hammond.

lisa

No, but yeah it’s so much nicer, it’s lovely.

 

simon

This is curious, but because of camera phones and everything now if I see someone’s taking a picture and I may vaguely be in it I now turn around, I’m probably over sensitive, they may be taking a picture of something else…

shannon

You turn around to show your face?

simon

No, the other way, the other way!

lisa

He wants to show his ass!

steve

Yeah, he’s got a nice butt.

simon

But you’re all having the photos taken now and presumably you have to smile and enjoy it?

lisa

Yeah, you’re in control of it though in a sense because they’re asking you, and in a way when I see people rarely sort of taking hidden shots of me I will always go up to them, it almost sounds as if I’m quite egotistical to do this but it’s because I don’t want to be in those exact shots of me half way through my chicken burger with lettuce hanging down my face, I always go up to them…

steve

Care freely.

lisa

Yes, exactly. I always go up to them and say “Would you like a photo?” rather than letting them take a photo without my permission, you know. But yes, it’s fascinating, that was my moment of the month.

simon

I’m sure you can get a few more of those as well. Shannon, what about your moment of the month?

shannon

Well I had a kind of newspaper worthy moment of the month, but also just coming off what Lisa said I also had a slightly more personal one that wasn’t actually about me, it was just an experience that I might just flag to see what other people think. This was at Gatwick and it was at the gate waiting to board a flight, everybody was at the gate, at this point it was about ten minutes late and I’ve never, ever experienced this when flying before but one of the cabin crew announced to the entire gate, “Sorry for the delay, we’re still waiting for some disabled people to get off the plane.” And I’m sitting there waiting to board, and obviously I’m at the front of the queue with the whole we’ll board you first as long as we’re not refuelling and I suddenly felt like I was under the spotlight because all these people want to get to Ibiza before the clubs close tonight and they’re all quite excited and they’re slightly annoyed that we haven’t taken off yet, or they haven’t boarded the plane yet. And I did think that was really, really off-key because actually if they’re still waiting to get off the plane it’s probably because the ground staff haven’t disembarked them yet and actually it’s Gatwick’s fault, it’s not the disabled person’s fault. But it was really made to be like, you know, disabled people, oh they’re so much hassle. They’re causing delays.

steve

Do you think they were just trying to push the blame, the fact that they were late?

shannon

Yeah, totally.

steve

I’ve never heard that before.

shannon

And also people were starting to get a little bit antsy because it was about 32 degrees, it was boiling, there was no air conditioning and the sky was turning black and we knew we were taking off into really scary weather and I think people wanted to go, get on the plane, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go. And it’s a Friday night, people want to get to Ibiza really quickly.

simon

I’ve had something similar, I remember flying, I can’t remember where I was going to, and it was 40 minutes past the departure time, we were all sitting there, we’d all been sitting there for ages, and the captain came on after about 20 minutes and said, “Sorry, we’ve got a bit of a problem, we’ll come back to you.” And then at 40 minutes said, “We’ve had a bit of a problem, we’ve been trying to load this scooter and the battery on it’s been a bit of a problem, but we’ve finally got it on now so hopefully we’ll take off.”

shannon

With a mallet.

simon

And you just sink in your seat. I think I should have got up and walked around and gone, “No, no scooter for me.”

shannon

I can walk, look at me.

simon

I mean part of me says great that they’re being honest but the other part is like it’s a bit of a highlight…

shannon

But not when you pick on a minority.

simon

Yes.

lisa

But they wouldn’t be honest necessarily about anyone else would they?

shannon

Would you say it if it was based on someone’s nationality or their sexuality? You know, would you say, sorry we’re waiting for the plane…

lisa

There’s been a lesbian affair in the cabin, we can’t get you in yet.

shannon

Yeah, some gay guys are holding us up or…

steve

The Germans have got their towels on the seats.

shannon

Or there are some Asian people holding us up. You would not pick on any other minority group but it’s okay to say it about disabled people and that pisses me off. And this is a bit like going back to what would be my bigger disability moment of the month which kind of ties in two bigger things – I’ll do this really, really quickly – it was the fact that the BBC wants to increase the amount of disabled staff it has and the amount of disabled people it has on the screen. I mean we’ve all heard this before, we’ve been doing this long enough to have heard these similar things, but also there’s this big movement, Act for Change, which was to get to increase the number of black and ethnic minorities and that’s started to kind of include disabled actors too, but all the news reports still focus on black and ethnic minorities and it’s still disability being shoved to the back of the room. And that annoys me when it comes to kind of any minority groups getting increased representation, whether it’s to do with media or whether it’s just to do with anything in life.

simon

So is there a sort of pecking order?

shannon

There totally is, disability is always the bottom of the queue.

steve

But if they say minority groups they bulk everything together rather than say well there’s disability groups and then there’s…?

shannon

Well, BAEM, which is Black and Ethnic Minority Groups, so it’s ethnic minority, not minority.

steve

Okay, so that’s one side of it but there’s also…

shannon

Well that’s largely the driver for it.

lisa

But they happen to kind of encompass disability.

shannon

Yes, because a few disabled actors started to say hang on, what about us? It kind of got tagged on but it’s still not really being fully included.

simon

I read about it on the BBC website, and you’re right, it was sort of second or third and it was a slightly less… I will defend them, I heard it on PM, the Radio Four news show, and they said and this is what they’re going to do and they want to really increase the number of disabled people both on and off screen. I must confess I was in the car and I was like, oh my goodness, I don’t think I’ve ever heard them say that explicitly like that.

shannon

This time they’ve actually used statistics and they’ve got themselves a bar to reach rather than just being a vague we want to increase it is actually right, this is our current percentage, we want to get it to this percentage by this year. So that’s a much bigger step. So as long as they do it then great, happy days.

lisa

I think the thing with it, it’s like not Act for Change’s sort of attitude around it, I think what you’re saying as well is how the media, the outside, perceives it from the outside is the problem.

shannon

Exactly.

lisa

They themselves are joined up with disabled actors and the cause if you like, but from the outside how the media portrays the movement is very much to do with race and ethnicity.

shannon

Yeah, and when you see any newspaper reports on it it’s very much based on that and it’s not covering the fact that disabled actors are part of this move for change and wanting to increase representation.

simon

I don’t know if I’m the eternal optimist…

lisa

Yes, you are.

simon

When I read it I kind of… and the numbers, maybe that was the bit, I saw the numbers…

shannon

Yes, it’s the first time there’s actual numbers.

simon

And I quite like Tony Hall, Lord Tony Hall the DG and I thought okay.

shannon

He seems genuine.

simon

Yeah, and they’re putting themselves up, I mean…

shannon

And he’s pretty firm.

simon

I take your point, they’ve been trying to do it for 15, 20 years or even longer but…

steve

Will they give Abnormally Funny People a show? How about that?

simon

Nice.

steve

Come on, squeeze that in.

simon

They’d be up to 5% in no time wouldn’t they? Thank you, Shannon.

steve

And Simon Minty, what about you young man?

lisa

Young?

steve

Yeah, I have to say that, it’s in the contract.

shannon

Don’t let it slide!

simon

I went to one of those swanky dos, it was hosted by the Business Disability Forum and it was at the House of Lords and there were lots of disabled people as well as lots of business people, that was essentially what it was. There were a couple of bits, the sort of straightforward funny bit was they have the canapés that come round which was a weird bunch, there was some sort of baked soft cheese.

shannon

I love canapés.

simon

Well I do too.

steve

Baked soft cheese is nice as well. Isn’t it?

simon

Well it is, but there was nothing to pick it up with, there were little pyramids of soft cheese and you pick them up in your fingers, it was really, really messy straight away.

steve

Was there no cocktail stick?

shannon

No, but didn’t they give you a little napkin?

simon

Oh look at you experts!

shannon

They generally have like a tray with the canapés and then a supply of napkins.

steve

Or a straw.

lisa

What kind of an event is this, Simon? Shoddy!

simon

Well, let me get to the point. The bit that really made me…

shannon

This is sounding very much like first world problems to Simon.

simon

I’m not asking for sympathy, it’s a moment. The bit that was lovely, I mean we were all in suits and it was all quite formal, however when these honey mustard little sausages came round I have never seen so many people lose any inhibition whatsoever, they would take four…

shannon

Oh I love those. Honey mustard sausages, that’s it, gone.

simon

But they were taking four or five before the waiter had even disappeared. The bit that was slightly awkward for me, the tray was a bit higher than I could see and on the corner of the tray was a little bowl and I thought oh, that’s the dipping sauce. So I put my little cocktail sausages up to it and as I dipped it in I realised, no that was where everyone else had put their old cocktail sticks. It was really grim. But there was a question that I have for our guests and…

shannon

Would we like some sausages today? Yes that would have been nice. Instead of the chocolate.

simon

If you two had been there, or all three of us had been there, you would have heard the speeches and you would kind of go oh yes I’ve heard this and I’m familiar with this and there’s nothing wrong with it but we’re very familiar with it and we have to keep repeating these messages, but I realised of the speakers, more than half were women and one of them spoke specifically about being a woman with a disability. And I suddenly checked myself and I thought, oh hang on, when I talk about disability I don’t distinguish and I thought is there a distinction, should we…? And of course there’s differences but I just wondered, I don’t know what the word is but are there real issues about being a woman with a disability as compared to being a man?

shannon

Hell yeah. This is my new bugbear. This whole new wave of feminism that’s really popular at the moment, I’m starting to have increasing issues with it when I read certain articles that there’s a kind of sweeping assumption that all women are the same and are subject to the same, I don’t know, indicators of sexism. And I’ve had this conversation with a few people where I can’t really think of genuine circumstances where I have felt subject to blatant sexism, I don’t know if that’s because I’m the eldest of four children and I have three younger brothers, so I’m the bossy one and what I say goes. So I don’t know if maybe I grew up with a different mentality. But I have been subject to blatant disable-ism, if that’s a word.

steve

We were talking about that last month about able-ist and disable-ist.

shannon

Way more than I have sexism, and a lot of that has come from other women. So sisterhood my arse. And that has been events where we’re all supposed to be celebrating feminism and I have been looked at and given dirty looks for saying excuse me to make my way through to a crowd to watch somebody’s book reading and I’ve been an inconvenience to other people while they sip their white wine, largely women. And I would say quite often the snotty looks and disable-ism I get is from other women.

simon

And you get that more so from, I mean do either of you think that men who are disabled, they might forget some of the issues that might affect women or am I looking for something that may not…?

shannon

I think there are different issues. When women say oh it’s really awful the way that men might look at women lasciviously or wolf whistle or any of those things, I understand that that can be horrible, however spend a few months totally invisible to the male gaze, or female gaze, and see how you feel at the end of that, if your physicality means that to other people you’re not even considered on their radar and see what it’s like to be invisible for a while before picking up on what every single thing a man says or does and saying that that’s wrong.

simon

This sort of links back to your point, Lisa, I mean I’m used to being looked at but I don’t get looks from women in a sort of sexual way, I don’t get a kind of come on.

lisa

In a sort of phwoar way.

simon

Yes exactly, and I don’t know what you’re saying, Shannon, if it’s actually within the women’s group more so, but I just wondered whether we’re missing a trick, or does that confuse people if we start distinguishing?

lisa

I think it has so many variables, that’s the thing, not only does it depend whether you’re a man or a woman, it depends on what disability you have I think.

shannon

Totally.

simon

I agree.

lisa

So whether you’re in a wheelchair, whether you’re small, whether you’ve got CP, whether you’ve got a speech impediment, whether you’ve got a problem with sight…

simon

Mental health.

lisa

Mental health, I think it’s such a big wide thing to kind of… yeah I think those variants are bigger than the man, woman variants to be honest.

steve

So why do you think this speaker was making those claims then?

simon

No, no she wasn’t, she’d been on a course which was a sort of personal development course for women who had a disability and first of all I thought oh should we have a men’s one because I’m a bloke and whatever, but when I heard her speak I just thought hang on, maybe I’ve missed things here and it was really powerful, I loved what she said.

shannon

But I find it interesting that any time you see a documentary about disability that decides it’s going to be radical and it’s going to talk about sex and disability largely it’s men and I just think there’s that whole thing that what the media shows about disability is largely from a male perspective and not from a female perspective, because so much of what we see on television is factual entertainment, it’s reality, that’s where disability is. So it’s great for people to say, oh we’ve increased our disability representation, yeah, but not for actors or presenters, it’s people who are subjects.

lisa

It’s more like the ‘Undatables’ or something.

shannon

Yeah, which we really don’t need more of, it’s not about giving people a job, it’s about making people the subject of basically largely what is often a freak show. It’s like here you are, we’re going to show you, now get back in your box.

steve

So Abnormally Funny People, we need a show.

shannon

Yeah, that’s what you want to do. But I’ve had the conversation with…

lisa

Get back in.

shannon

I’ve had the conversation with male paraplegics about whether or not it’s worse if you’re a man or a woman to have an accident and all the men think it’s worse for a man. No sorry, all the men think it’s worse for a woman, all the women think it’s worse for a man, there’s never any agreement.

simon

But hang on…

shannon

But that’s paraplegics so I don’t know about, I can’t talk about other disabilities.

simon

When I’ve spoken to short women about being short they think it’s harder to be a short woman than it is to be a short man, although…

lisa

You’re kidding!

simon

Although there’s distinctions between…

shannon

You see I always think it’s harder to be a man.

steve

You see when I’ve spoken to a bald woman compared to a bald man…

simon

Yeah, yeah!

lisa

It’s much harder you see.

simon

I’m glad you got that in. I think age can be an issue as well, it depends how old you are.

lisa

I think it’s just because of the roles within society, if you have a disability and you’re a woman, whether that be short, paraplegic, whatever, I think it’s more socially acceptable to be disabled than a man in a funny way, especially if you’re short. There’s a lot to do with height about the men being the stronger ones.

simon

Can you see the tears, Lisa? See the tears I’ve got.

lisa

Welling up there, Si. Let me get my hanky out.

shannon

I mean I spent the past week getting carried up and down stairs, I don’t know how I’d feel about that if I was a bloke, but however if I didn’t like the way they carried me I’m still going to be quick enough to punch them round the face. So it’s not that passive.

Lisa

Yeah.

simon

Can I sneak one more in?

steve

Yeah.

simon

Which is a new phrase which I learnt from Twitter which is if you take a picture of yourself it’s obviously called a selfie but if you take a picture of yourself and you’re short that’s known as an elfie.

shannon

Oh God!

Lisa

Oh!

steve

That is out there is it? Or have you just made that up?

simon

I saw it on Twitter a little while ago.

lisa

Are you actually going to use this, Simon?

shannon

Are you going to put that into public parlance?

simon

You know what’s going to happen, everyone now is going to quote it back to me.

lisa

Elfie! Elfie!

simon

But when you meet all your fans, Lisa, “Do you fancy an elfie?” And I think you’ll throw them all over the place.

lisa

I’ve been trying to avoid elf my whole career.

steve

If you’re eating a carrot it’s a healthy.

simon

Steve Best. Steve always has to work a bit harder because he isn’t a disabled person but…

lisa

He’s not a cripple.

simon

Yeah, have you come up with a moment of the month?

steve

Well it’s not really a moment, it’s more of an observation, and I suppose it goes onto Lisa’s thing about looking at people in different ways I suppose, but I live in Russell Square area and Simon will say King’s Cross.

simon

It’s King’s Cross.

steve

He always says King’s Cross but it is kind of in between.

lisa

It’s on the edge isn’t it?

steve

But there’s the Coram’s Fields which is a lovely park and you’re only allowed in if you’re accompanied by a child which is a great thing to do, but across the road is Great Ormond Street and during the summer, and I suppose the winter but mostly in the summer because that’s when most people are out in the park is there’s a lot of kids coming over from Great Ormond Street into the park. And I think there’s quite a lot of kids in the park like that but I think that my kids, you think people stare, especially children stare at people with differences and for some reason they don’t I don’t think because they get very much used to it. And it’s just an observation, it is quite interesting to see, it’s not a very good word, interesting, but a lot of kids who are disabled and they just come in and get on with it.

simon

I was worried you were going to say because to go into the park you need to have a child and there’s Great Ormond Street opposite so you go and get one and then bring them in.

steve

Oh right.

shannon

That’s what I was worried about.

steve

That’s quite a nice line that.

simon

I have been to that park…

lisa

Are we really talking about children and hospitals?

simon

It’s a very strange thing to go into the park on your own, because I’ve gone in there to meet Steve and his family and I am on my own. The bit that was really great I think last time, Steve’s kids came running up to the gate who then gave me permission to come in.

lisa

That qualified your place in the park.

simon

Exactly. But if you go in on your own you feel guilt for some reason and you’re like, well hang on.

shannon

Because there’s a sign.

lisa

There’s signs there though aren’t there?

steve

And also there’s a guy on the door now, especially in the summer and if you try and get in as an adult he will say, “Well why are you coming in?”

lisa

I just find no eye contact just the best way to deal with those situations. So if I sort of can’t handle the sort of specifics I will just go like puff your chest up, be very confident and just go straight forward in those situations. Like don’t even have a glimmer of guilt or self, what do you call it?

simon

Doubt?

lisa

Self-doubt in that moment, don’t do it.

steve

But now you can say, “Do you know who I am?” And you say, “I’m Lisa Hammond.”

lisa

Oh my god, elfie.

simon

Well I’m going to use that, thanks for the little technique. Okay, fantastic moments of the month, that was a fairly chunky session. We’re going to move on to sort of the main part of the show which is we had sent Lisa and Shannon items, they have their own individual item, this was sent to them a few days ago so they hopefully have a chance to play with it, use it, see what it’s all about. As ever they don’t know what they were getting beforehand so a parcel just arrives with ideally no instructions and packaging so it’s a little bit vague, but what we do is ask them to record their initial reactions as they open the parcel or the package and say what they think of it straight away. So let’s have a little listen to Lisa.

Lisa

Okay. So here I am with my package. I’m not going to talk about how opening the package is hard because in the first podcast that was really boring. Right. I’m out in my garden having a nice glass of wine. So. Oh okay, so it says immediately that it is, so no mystery there. It is a Medi-Popper for dispensing of tablets apparently. It looks quite big, it’s like a white plastic thing, almost like the principle of a stapler. And well I guess you put the, without looking at the instructions, you put the blister pack on top of the bit that presses it down like the top of the stapler and you push the rubber down and it pops the pill out into this little tray bit. I don’t really know if it would be useful for me per se because I use my nail to get my pills out, my drugs, but possibly for someone with less use of their hands that couldn’t do that or didn’t have well-kept nails, maybe they need this. Well I’ll give it a go next time I pop my pills and we’ll see how we get on. It could be used as a stamp as well if you put ink on the thing and do lots of polka dot stamps.

simon

Thank you so much, Lisa, that was a very thorough description and obviously the instructions, oh not the instructions, there was a little bit of a clue, you knew immediately what it was. You said you were going to give it a go, did you actually try using it?

lisa

I did, I did use it for two lots of medication and it’s all right, I mean it works as it says, it works on bigger blister packs and smaller strips but because I can do it I suppose without having the assistance it doesn’t kind of add anything to my life that I was going oh my god, how did I ever live without this product. It wasn’t one of those but I can imagine people with arthritis and stuff would find that really useful because they’re a bugger sometimes them little, you know, by the time, it’s like gone to sherbet, the tablet.

simon

It’s big enough for the cod liver oil, they’re always the big tablets but I’d be a bit scared that it would squirt cod liver oil over everywhere.

lisa

No it’s quite gentle because it’s got the rubber thing on the bottom. It works very well for what it is. If you need it then it would be good but if you don’t then it’s kind of an extra bit of kit that you wouldn’t want to crowd up your…

steve

Because I suppose it’s quite bulky.

lisa

It is quite bulky, yeah.

steve

For what it does but then I suppose if it’s designed that way then that’s the way it has to be.

lisa

It could be smaller. Don’t you reckon it could be slightly slimmer?

steve

You would have thought so but…

shannon

I suppose if it was somebody with poor dexterity then maybe they need it.

simon

And presumably you’ve got it at home all the time but I mean when I go away I sort of do 30 pills all in one go so I’ve got them all set up.

steve

I thought you said you took 30 pills all in one go to keep you going.

shannon

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

lisa

What’s the difference when you’re away?

simon

When you’re on those aeroplanes and they start shouting about disabled people I need pills, I’m telling you, that’s what it’s about.

lisa

My elfies.

shannon

Holding off, light up.

simon

You’ve said elfie six times, it is now going to go out there, I’m slightly regretting that.

Lisa

That was my plan!

simon

We should have asked questions but I think some of these are self-evident, I mean is there anything, well you said maybe smaller. Would there be other improvements, anything you say could make it better?

lisa

Oh what’s this?

simon

Oh hello.

lisa

There’s a little turny disk thing here.

shannon

Oh.

lisa

Oh, that’s for the different types of tablet, look it’s got a round big hole, a smaller hole and a sort of oval hole.

steve

So it’s like a turntable so you can turn it and then click it in.

lisa

It’s like a disk on top of the thing where the pill dispenses.

steve

It’s like a little face there now as well.

simon

As long as all the holes are big enough does it need that? Or is it being a bit fancy?

steve

No, no but that’s for the different packets.

lisa

It’s for the different size tablets.

simon

Yes.

lisa

Yeah, I mean it doesn’t…

simon

You’d just leave it on the big one wouldn’t you?

steve

Oh I see what you mean. But then that might just smack into it too much. I don’t know.

lisa

Or if you’ve got a smaller blister. To be honest it’s a nice product and it could be more compact I think.

simon

It’s that sort of irony, if you’ve got arthritis and then you’ve got pills in one of those childproof things that you can’t open for love nor money or they’re in a blister pack and it’s impossible, so maybe very specific people could be…

lisa

Yeah, a specific market. I would be more interested in having one that gets the childproof bottle tops off to be honest.

simon

Is that a hammer? Is that called a hammer?

lisa

Because I’ve got no grip at all, and it’s like…

shannon

There’s like a rubber facecloth?

lisa

But I have this one called Gator Grip I think that helps me open bottles, it’s like a rubber sort of wrench thing, I think it’s used for plumbing.

shannon

Second job.

lisa

For example, this is quite extreme, but you know like the bottles of bleach for your bathroom toilet?

simon

Yeah.

lisa

Or bathroom products.

simon

You have to squeeze both sides, yeah.

lisa

Because they’re a push and twist and I’ve got no grip there isn’t a gripper that can do that that I know of that’s easy so I have to put the whole bottle cap…

simon

In your mouth?

lisa

I have to wash the bottle cap…

shannon

Oh my god!

lisa

And put the whole bottle cap in my mouth and bite down and twist the whole thing with my hands.

simon

I did want to say, your teeth look really white.

lisa

Can you imagine, like ping!

simon

But you could use a pair of pliers for that couldn’t you? That plumber who gave you the wrench, could you not get a pair of pliers and squeeze that?

steve

No, but you’ve got to push down as well don’t you?

lisa

Yeah, you have to do a multi thing, like you have to squeeze, push and turn so there’s not one tool. I mean there probably is, someone’s going to so send me a tool now.

shannon

Yeah, any manufacturers listening please do send Lisa some tools so she doesn’t put a bottle of bleach in her mouth!

lisa

I don’t want to have to keep putting Domestos in my mouth.

shannon

Other bleaches are available.

simon

I always assume that is to stop children sort of drinking it or whatever.

lisa

Yes of course it is, but children and small people with no grip.

simon

Different types of small people might be able to drink it, but do you have children in your house or could you not just leave the lid off and be a little bit reckless?

lisa

Well yeah I can do that but then when someone else helps me with the cleaning that’s when they tighten up everything in my house.

simon

Yeah, okay.

shannon

It’s other people that are the problem. If you let able-bodied people into your house…

lisa

Into your reality.

shannon

They change things, they put the showerhead too high, they move things.

steve

I’ll take out for the rest of…

shannon

They change the position of things in your house.

simon

Now I know this isn’t meant to be a comedy show but we stayed in a hotel for a week recently…

shannon

Showerheads in hotels are always up on the ceiling. Why?

simon

It wasn’t that, they had the wastepaper bin in this position and it was a really stupid position so I’d move it and every day they’d put it back, they were on this rota.

lisa

It sounds like a passive aggressive game.

shannon

I do it with hotel furniture, I move all the furniture out of the way so I can get my chair round. Every day they put the furniture back.

lisa

You leave a note but it doesn’t work.

steve

Do not disturb on the bin.

simon

That would be a better idea actually. I realised I was getting really petty and I was like why am I doing this, but I had to.

lisa

But then it gets to you. I remember doing a show in Manchester last year and the dressing rooms, I was sharing a dressing room with my friend Hayley, and the chairs, you know those office chairs that bounce up and down, my chair, I’d left a note on my chair, “Please don’t reset my chair to the higher level, keep it down.” She left the exact, because she’s also quite short, normally short, not short, short, and she left a thing on hers and every day they’d put hers back up and they would leave mine. And she, over the weeks that we were there, we were performing for six weeks, she got unbelievably angry by the end of it, she was like, “My chair is up again! Oh my god!”

simon

Did you ever sneak in and make sure it was, just to see how she…?

lisa

Yeah, obviously it was me.

simon

Shannon, any thoughts from you? You’ve only just seen this Medi-Popper, where are you at on this whole…?

shannon

Yes, I mean if you had dexterity issues I guess it would be helpful. I mean what do you do, do you slide the pill and go…?

lisa

Yes, and then push it down.

shannon

It’s quite hard to push down. It does require a bit of, oh.

simon

I should tell her not to bang…

shannon

Sorry.

lisa

But what I’ve wrote is it doesn’t have to be that forceful, it’s just a slight push.

simon

Just do it slower.

lisa

It’s just a slight push, yeah.

shannon

I mean I’m sure it was made for a market and that market love it.

simon

I think you’re right, if someone has a specific issue and this solves it but otherwise it…

shannon

Yeah, I mean I’m trying to think of tetras who might be like a C6 or C7 but even that requires quite a lot of power to get it to work.

simon

Okay.

shannon

Interesting.

lisa

I might even have some tablets if you want to try it.

simon

We will go and we’ll rate it a little bit later on but first up if you had to guess how much it would be, Lisa, what would your guess be?

lisa

I would say, well disability products always have a premium on them don’t they?

simon

This is becoming a theme.

steve

Yes.

simon

Yes, it’s becoming a theme.

lisa

Sorry, and we’re all saying it aren’t we because we’re like…

shannon

We’re a captive market, that’ll be £100 please.

lisa

Why do you think I get my Gater Grip off the plumbers not off the disabled products? I would say £7.99.

simon

Okay. Shannon?

lisa

Not including delivery.

shannon

£12.99.

simon

Oh, you’re either side, I don’t know who’s closest, I think it’s Shannon. £10.49.

shannon

£10. Ten of your English pounds.

steve

So we’ve given something to Shannon.

lisa

Oh I’m excited, what is it?

steve

Yes, and I think… Let’s hear what Shannon has to hear first and then we’ll go into it.

shannon

Oh my god. Oh. My. God. Okay, not quite sure what to make of these. Kind of cute, kind of creepy, all at the same time. Not something I’d use personally but maybe either a really young child or a really, really old person. It’s clever, I’ve got to admit, it’s clever but the little red eye is freaking me out and it would be interesting to see what they looked like on somebody else’s chair, not mine.

steve

Okay, so there we have it. First of all to say they’re actually called SpokeGuards and so can you explain a bit more, Shannon?

shannon

Yes, I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to name what I thought they were on the actual recording, so yes, they are spoke guards, they’re fun to jazz up your chair, I hate using the word jazz up, I’m not going to use that word ever again. For people who use the word snazzy, okay it’s a spoke guard that is a photograph of a hamster in a wheel so you’ve got like the hamster wheel which would go round your spokes and the hamster running around. The hamster has really, really red eyes which weirded me out and obviously the idea would be you put the spoke guard on your chair and then when you push your chair the spoke rotates and it looks like the hamster is spinning round the wheel and it’s really cute.

Lisa

How cute is that!

shannon

And I’m sure that would be the same kind of people who stop me in the street after I’ve had a drink and say, “Oh you’ll get done for speeding in that.” So yeah, not really my cup of tea but I can see for kids that would be entertaining or for little old ladies who want to make the chair more interesting and look less like a chair and more of a hamster’s wheel.

simon

You’re being a bit of a killjoy here, Shannon. Isn’t this really fun and kind of really expressing your personality?

shannon

No Simon, it’s not really fun!

lisa

It’s representative isn’t it, like the hamster wheel of disabled people’s lives.

shannon

And why do I have to make my wheelchair fun? Why can’t it be the sleek ergonomic beauty that it is, that’s black and matches all my clothes. I mean I don’t really wear many things that are hamster coloured, but you know, that’s…

steve

It’s interesting that the hamster’s got a red eye as well as though they took a photograph in the dark.

shannon

The hamster is just like, leave me alone.

simon

I have a confession because normally we do, as I said, just send them out and they’re not specific to anybody…

shannon

I have to confess I didn’t test it because I wasn’t wearing these on holiday to Ibiza.

simon

When I heard that they were the sort of thing you put on your wheelchair, I mean Lisa uses a wheelchair but because Shannon’s quite known for fashion and style and so on and I thought we’ve got to send this to Shannon and I cannot believe how polite you’ve been so far. If you really let rip, this is so not you.

shannon

You should see me when I’m in the GBL wheelchair showroom and I go round and they try and say…

simon

What’s GBL?

shannon

GBL, it’s a distributor of fabulous wheelchairs, but they try and persuade me to choose colours.

lisa

Get lights and stuff.

shannon

Yeah, and they’ll do things just ‘cos they know I’m going to be like, not a hope in hell and they’re like don’t you want a white chair? Don’t you want pink flashing lights on your front wheels? And if I was a kid, oh my god, I would think that stuff was amazing.

steve

I think that you’ve hit on it, I think for a kid actually that would be quite fun.

shannon

For a kid you do want to make a wheelchair more fun, you want to make it appealing to the child, but also for his mates to go, “oh my god, that’s cool,” or for a little girl to have it in whatever colour she wants it. But you can have them sparkly, you can have them glittery, you can have them pink, you can have them camouflage, whatever you want you can have on the chair and I think that’s really important.

steve

Have you seen anything like that before?

shannon

I’ve seen other spoke guards with a humorous spin.

steve

Oh really?

shannon

Humorous spin. But not hamster.

simon

What if there was a little sort of disabled person in there as well going round on that wheel, would that make it more appealing to you?

shannon

Do you see my face, Simon?

simon

Yes, that’s not great for radio.

lisa

Making a joke out of spokes isn’t really top priority is it? I mean kiddingly, like you’re trying to make some sort of statement about who you are and…

shannon

I don’t use my chair to show my personality, my personality is in me as a person.

lisa

Exactly. Just get a life people.

shannon

My chair isn’t my personality, it’s what I use to get around.

simon

Okay, but hang on, you’re saying anyone should be able to make the chair how they want, and absolutely, yeah.

shannon

Yeah, but that’s about taste, that’s not about putting your personality out through your chair. You should be confident enough as a person that I know who I am.

lisa

I do know people in their 30s, 40s, 50s in sparkly light-tastic spokes, everything, and I do think that’s so sad, I do, every time I see them.

shannon

I partly think it’s sad and I partly think, okay that’s your style but I don’t think confuse style and personality, they’re two different things.

simon

We all have a mutual friend, hopefully we’ll get on this show at some point, Lara Masters and I quite like what she does because she’ll kind of link what she’s wearing and then put it on the chair as well, and obviously I’m not going to ask you to comment on Lara’s stuff, but is that a little bit more acceptable because then what you’re wearing could be part of it?

lisa

Well that’s taste as well isn’t it?

shannon

But again that comes down to style and taste, that’s not about personality.

simon

Okay.

shannon

I think if you do something like this what you’re trying to do is like oh, I’m so funny, look at me.

lisa

Yeah.

shannon

That’s different to saying I like things that are sparkly or I want leather or I want this, that or the other, that’s different. I think expressing your style because you want your chair to match, or complement your everyday clothes then that’s one thing.

simon

Okay.

lisa

Then is it like…

shannon

But I like my chair to be totally innocuous, I have as much black as I can. As soon as a new piece of metal comes that they say oh we do that in black now, I’m like yeah, I want it in black, I want everything in black, because I don’t want it fighting with my clothes, I don’t want it to be the be all and end all, it’s just a chair, it’s what I use to get around.

simon

My last mobility scooter, it came with sort of four or five different inserts on the side or at the front and so on and then I took those inserts because they were red or blue, I don’t want red or blue, so I took them to a car re-spray place and got them to re-spray them all black and then put them on. They’d never done anything like this before, but you’re right, I just wanted it maybe masculine or just straightforward.

shannon

Nondescript.

simon

Yeah.

steve

You put a spoiler on it as well though didn’t you?

simon

Yeah and one of those big flags at the back, people love those don’t they?

lisa

Oh god.

shannon

I’m not one of these people who has a problem with a wheelchair, I don’t look at the wheelchair and get all sombre thinking oh my god, the wheelchair runs my life or the wheelchair signifies everything that’s not working with my body, for me the wheelchair is a positive thing because that’s what helps me get around, without the wheelchair what am I doing, sitting on a box? So I don’t see it as something that needs anything done to it for me but I can see that other people want to.

simon

Yeah, as long as it’s functional and does…

shannon

With regards to like colour choices, that’s great, but I draw the line at hamster spokes.

lisa

It’s a bit like people who wear comedy ties, don’t you think?

simon

We’re all looking at Steve.

steve

I don’t wear ties, I don’t wear a shirt.

lisa

Imagine that hamster, do you know what I mean, it’s like you always go oh my god, how wet is he.

shannon

And also the other thing you’ve got to be careful about when you dress up a chair you are really encouraging the wrong kind of person to come and talk to you, because I know exactly the kind of people that will come and talk to me if I had this on my chair and they’re not the kind of people I really want coming to talk to me.

steve

I still go back to what you said, I think for kids.

lisa

Yes for kids, definitely, they’d love this.

shannon

But I think what you’re looking for in a wheelchair for a child and a wheelchair for an adult are two totally different things, for a child you’re trying to make it as appealing as possible and for his friends to be interested in it or her friends to be thinking wow, that’s cool, you’re not trying to make it look like a medical appliance, you’re trying to get as far away from that as possible.

steve

I mean is it well made, what do you think of it?

shannon

Yes, it’s quite sturdy, it’s well made, it fits on most standard appliances.

lisa

Is it metal, Shannon?

steve

I’ll tell you what it is, it says it’s made from high impact polystyrene.

lisa

Oh, can I have a feel of it?

steve

Which I’ve never heard of it, I thought polystyrene was that stuff that just falls apart when you touch it.

lisa

Oh I see.

steve

And it’s a unique easy off clipping system apparently, no nuts and bolts as you said.

shannon

I didn’t clip it on and off but it did look quite easy to clip on and off.

steve

Yeah, easy access they said.

simon

Just thinking, wheelchair rugby, they have what looks like a solid wheel, I don’t know if it is or maybe they have some sort of… and they’re black or grey, I mean I think they look really cool but presumably that’s, they’re a different shape and everything, it’s a whole different function.

shannon

They’re a different shape but also I think a lot of that is to do with when you’re doing wheelchair rugby you really don’t want your fingers getting crushed in the spokes because it’s such an aggressive sport.

simon

Oh, that’s good thinking.

shannon

And you are slamming into each other and fingers get hurt, particularly with wheelchair rugby. Most of the guys don’t have good individual kind of finger control or hand control so you are more likely to kind of get your hand bashed.

simon

So it’s functional stuff, yeah.

shannon

Yeah, exactly. It’s protective. When I first had a chair I did have like plastic spoke guards on it but that was to keep the spokes clean because I had so many spokes whereas now I only have a few spokes on my chair because it’s a different wheel.

steve

So how much do you think that, not how much you’d pay for it, but how much do you think it retails for?

shannon

Did I say £14.99 for the last one as well? No, I said £12.99. I’m going to go with £14.99.

lisa

I think it’s more expensive than that, I think it’s £19.99 for two, durable plastic.

steve

I suppose it comes in twos, you got two didn’t you obviously?

lisa

You’re not going to get one.

steve

I’m going to surprise you now. Simon, do you know how much they are? You’ve seen it haven’t you?

shannon

Are these really expensive?

steve

They are, they’re £85.00

shannon

Shut up!

lisa

You are kidding me!

shannon

Shut up!

lisa

I knew they’d be expensive but wow!

shannon

Shut up. See people, this is what we mean about disability costs you money.

steve

It’s high impact.

lisa

It’s unbelievable.

shannon

These are £85 plastic spoke guards that really provide only a cosmetic purpose.

lisa

And the sort of joke that goes ha, ha, ha.

steve

It’s a famous hamster.

lisa

Oh god that is hysterical, £85.

shannon

I didn’t know there were famous hamsters. £85. Seriously. Have a word.

steve

Yeah. So we’re going to rate these ones now that you’ve seen so we’ve got the spoke guards that Shannon had, so marks out of ten. And I suppose we’ve got to take into account the price as well.

shannon

Do you have different categories?

steve

No just literally out of ten, for everything.

shannon

Just literally marks out of ten, and now that I’ve heard the price?

steve

Yeah.

shannon

Oh seriously, like three out of ten.

steve

Lisa, for the spoke guards.

lisa

High price, well-made but still high price, not my cup of tea, I’d say a four.

steve

Simon Minty?

simon

Oh I must admit I don’t know whether I’d use them but for what they are and how they’re made they’re not bad but that price is crazy. That’s a long answer. Five?

steve

Five.

shannon

I mean that’s 85 quid for a gimmick.

simon

Yeah, it’s a lot.

steve

Yes it is, I would go for four. Four for me. Okay, so I’m going to add those up while I go for the other one. So the Medi-Popper that Lisa had. You first then, Lisa.

lisa

I would say a seven.

steve

Seven. Oh that’s quite high, that’s good.

simon

Because that’s what it does, it’s not too expensive.

lisa

Only because it’s cheaper, it’s well made, it’s a bit big, the downside is it’s a bit big but in its niche where it needs to sit I think it’s good.

steve

And for the price as well.

lisa

Yes.

steve

Shannon?

shannon

I think the difference is that actually serves a purpose and could help some people, hamster spoke, not so much. It’s ridiculously overpriced.

lisa

Help them get a sense of humour.

shannon

Yeah. Although that’s not a sense of humour. It’s just not funny. Seven.

steve

Seven?

shannon

Yeah, if you needed one that could be quite an important thing to have in your life.

steve

Sminty Minty?

simon

One day I’ll have to start using it but I’ll give it seven as well actually.

steve

Oh crikey, I’ve got pressure now to give it seven.

simon

It makes it easy to add up though.

steve

The seven times table. I’m going to give it six.

simon

Which is our favourite so far, Steve?

steve

Well, we know what our favourite so far is, the Medi-Popper is winning at the moment.

simon

Fine, well we have a little surprise item that none of us has seen and we’re just going to see whether this can take the lead. I’m going to hand what looks like a silver cup to you, Lisa, but it comes in two parts, the second part and you can probably hear me rattling about here and give that to you, Shannon. I bet they’re probably needed together. This is called The Hopper with the title, Common Sense on Crutches.

steve

Is that what it says?

shannon

Are you having a laugh? I don’t walk, I can’t use crutches and you’re asking me to test something, I think this is really mean.

simon

Oh would you like to go back to the hamster wheel again?

lisa

So it’s just your regular, like what you would get in most shopping places, your regular sort of thermos coffee cup on top with an opening thing and something that straps on you to hold it. Is that right?

shannon

Is this like a waist?

simon

Well it looks like what you call a utility belt or something.

shannon

So it’s like a utility belt bag a bit as if I was working on a market stall and I would have to put loose change in things, but by the magic of the silver cup there’s a little mesh insert and I think I could possibly slot my hot drink in there.

lisa

So is it a bag as well as a holder, Shannon?

shannon

Yeah, so it’s a bag, I can clip it round my waist.

simon

Although I do take your point, I think Steve is the only one who’s average size who can…

lisa

It would drown us.

simon

Give it to him, it’s too big for me and Lisa.

shannon

I mean I could put a book in the front bit or a Kindle and then some loose change in a little pocket here, so it’s like a handy wrap around half a tabard waist bag.

lisa

It’s quite big isn’t it, let’s face it.

shannon

Do you know what it is? It’s like a ginormous bum bag, what’s what it is.

steve

Okay, yes. Good description.

shannon

So think about a bum bag, it’s like a bum bag but it’s square and probably three times the size of a normal bum bag but it’s got a little mesh bit where you slot in a silver or any other colour coffee, tea cup holder, generic hot drink holder of your choice, and you can go about with your crutches, hopping about as it’s called The Hopper.

lisa

Oh!

shannon

It’s called The Hopper so it’s obviously inferring…

simon

It’s common sense on crutches.

lisa

No, I’m not saying you’re being discriminatory.

shannon

I’m not saying that people on crutches hop.

steve

It’s called The Hopper and Thermal Cup. Oh no, it’s just called The Hopper isn’t it?

simon

We’re looking at the instructions rather than… we’ve got both, this is the deluxe.

shannon

I’m guessing you bump about on your crutches and you’ve got everything you need here and if you sat down you could have your drink because it would probably get a little bit awkward trying to have your crutches and your drink at the same time.

simon

I’m very impressed by both of you, you’ve kind of nailed what that is. And they say it’s an innovative hands free carrying aid for people who use crutches…

shannon

I wouldn’t call it innovative, it’s a bum bag.

simon

Essentially but it’ll keep your hands free so you haven’t got to carry anything.

lisa

Can I just test the spillage?

simon

It’s spill proof, that thermos, yeah.

lisa

Is it?

Simon

Yeah, absolutely.

shannon

None of them are spill proof, it’s a lie.

lisa

You never believe it do you with the spill proof thing?

shannon

I bought a really expensive one and I finally found one that doesn’t spill but it’s 30 quid.

simon

If we put some water in…

steve

Oh, careful of the recording stuff.

simon

If you hold it over your head, Shannon, and see if any water comes out.

steve

It’s made from high impact polystyrene as well.

simon

So Shannon’s about to put it over her head.

lisa

Make sure the slot’s shut at the top.

simon

Oh she didn’t put it over her head. Oh hello, no it is, it’s spill proof.

steve

It’s spill proof so far.

simon

Yes, nothing coming out.

lisa

Oh a little bit when shaking but…

shannon

It’s spilled.

lisa

Well, if you had cerebral palsy and you shook a lot from side to side you might have a little bit of spillage.

shannon

Exactly, that would be useless.

simon

Or if you were someone who walked on your head all the time and it was upside down.

shannon

But people with crutches do bounce a bit.

steve

And if you’ve got your iPad in one of the pockets and that spills.

shannon

Oh yeah that does, that does fit a tablet.

steve

It does, it says that.

shannon

Yeah, and then yu’ve got that spillage so non-spillage, not entirely true.

lisa

But it is in a mesh outside container of its own, it’s not in the same bag as the tablet.

simon

So it’s kind of going into improvements, we want that to be absolutely spill proof so you could fall over and it still won’t all go flying.

lisa

Fall over.

shannon

And I think you might want a zip for the bit where you put your tablet or your book or your newspaper.

steve

What is it now?

shannon

It’s Velcro.

lisa

Yeah but cripples, they can’t pull and push and zip up.

shannon

There’s a zip on this side for your loose change. I was about to say if you’re getting on the bus but you can’t use money to get on the bus anymore so you’ve got an Oyster card holder.

steve

So would you…?

simon

Do you want to know the price first?

steve

Yeah, oh guess the price.

simon

Shannon, what do you think?

shannon

£45.

simon

£45?

steve

Straight in at £45.

simon

This is for the deluxe with the semi spill proof.

lisa

Oh so the normal, right. £39.99.

simon

The answer is £29.95 including VAT, but we get VAT back don’t we as disabled people?

shannon

If it’s a disabled product yeah.

simon

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so £30 you were closest there, Lisa.

shannon

Yeah, well done.

simon

And for once it was cheaper than we guessed but I think we’re kind of just racking these prices up now.

shannon

Well after those spoke guards were £85 I kind of feel like I don’t want to under-price anything.

lisa

Everything’s going to be brilliant after that.

steve

So rating, Shannon? What would you rate that at out of ten?

shannon

Five.

steve

Five. Lisa?

lisa

Yeah, five.

steve

Five. Don’t say five as well.

shannon

It’s a bit utilitarian.

steve

I’ve got to do my five times table now.

simon

It’s hard because a bit like the Medi-Popper pill thing we’re not the right target. I don’t know, I think there’s a bit of mileage in there, I’d give it six or seven. Seven.

steve

Seven. Oh well I’ll meet you in the middle there and give it six. So we can guess who the winner is. It’s close-ish first and second, not third, third is definitely third. So in third place is Shannon’s spoke guards, the hamster spoke guards.

lisa

Oh what a surprise. Shocker.

steve

And in second place. Second place is what we’ve just seen which is The Hopper and thermal cup and first place is your Medi-Popper.

lisa

Yes.

steve

So you can win that in the competition later on.

 

[playing music]

simon

Thank you again to our guests, Lisa Hammond and Shannon Murray. Before you actually go what are you up to right now? So, Shannon, what are you up to now?

shannon

I’m just coming to the end of my training contract as a lawyer so that ends in about six weeks and around the exact same time I’ll be appearing in an episode of the popular BBC One medical drama, ‘Casualty’.

simon

Love it. Have you been for any castings recently?

shannon

I have yes. I was at an interesting one last week with a little dog who wasn’t quite as playful as I expected him to be.

simon

We’re cheating, we had a little chat beforehand and it just sounded like a great story. What was it for? An advert?

shannon

It was an advert for a popular dog snack and it was important that the actress and the dog got along.

simon

And you didn’t?

shannon

Well it wasn’t that we didn’t get along, it’s just that the dog wasn’t…

lisa

It sounds like it wasn’t making any effort, this dog.

shannon

Yeah, they say don’t work with animals and children and I’ve worked with children before and no problems, this was my first time working with animals and I have a dog and I love dogs so I was so excited and the dog just didn’t…

simon

Wouldn’t play.

steve

You were wearing your spoke guards and it was chasing the hamster?

shannon

Sadly no, maybe I should have worn the spoke guards and I would have had better luck with the dog.

lisa

That dog sounds like a chump.

simon

£85 seems like a bargain to me now. Lisa, what are you up to next or now or in the future?

lisa

Oh acting, bits and pieces, I’ll still be on Albert Square.

simon

Duff, duff yeah.

shannon

Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh.

lisa

Coming up, going up to Newcastle to do an ITV drama called ‘Vera’ which will be nice.

simon

When will we see that?

lisa

That’ll probably be out next year.

simon

Okay, for international listeners, is it BBC or ITV?

lisa

That’s IVT, that.

simon

Oh so they might put it on sort of catch up or the ITV player?

lisa

Possibly, yeah.

simon

Cool.

lisa

Yeah, that’s really good, really excited about that, and then theatre stuff, making my own work with my collaborator, Rachel Spence and trying to get some money and, you know, all that. Begging to the Arts Council to get more R&D money and development.

steve

Oh, we’ve done that.

lisa

So yeah, that’s about it really.

simon

Well good luck with it. Thank you both so much, it’s been an absolute joy as I said it would be, thank you.

lisa

Thank you.

 

[playing music]

steve

As we mentioned at the top of the show we are running a competition this month to win the featured items, we have them all as prizes.

simon

And we’re going to offer each as its own prize, so to win you need to contact us with your answer to the following sentence: I want the spoke guards because or you insert whichever one that you want. So it’s I want the item because.

steve

And you can make it very simple, you can say it because I want it. So whether you want to enter the competition or just say hello we’d love to hear from you. Here are the ways you can contact us. Email. Tweet us, just search for Abnormally Funny People, or leave us a voicemail or send us a text on 07756 190561. That’s 07756 190561 and all the information’s on our website.

simon

Unfortunately at this point we can’t send the prizes to people who don’t live in the UK so if you’re listening overseas, as ever welcome and thank you but we’re really sorry, we can’t send you any of the prizes. Closing date for this month’s competition for those who can is Monday 15th September.

steve

And in our next show, podcast number four, we’ll announce the winners from the last two competitions.

simon

Is that an-nounce.

steve

Announce, yes.

simon

Drop us a line with your thoughts and comments, we’d love to hear from you. You can get hold of us as we’ve said many a time, so drop us an email, do it now, podcast@abnormallyfunnypeople.com.

steve

And the website, abnormallyfunnypeople.com for all the social media links, telephone number etc.

simon

A big thank you to Really Useful Stuff who always supply the items for us. You can check out what they do via their website, it’s reallyusefulstuff.co.

steve

Dot co is it?

simon

Yes, it’s still dot co.

steve

Great. So you don’t miss a show do subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Audioboo and you can stream it too if you prefer.

simon

And a final big thank you to our producers, it’s Anne and Leane, so thank you very much both of you.

steve

And thanks for listening for everybody.

 

[playing music]

 

Site Drupal-ised by Meerkat

© Abnormally Funny People