Transcript of #6

 

Abnormally Funny People December Podcast: Episode #6 "Coffee spills, bottom thrills, and house building skills"

Presented by Simon Minty and Steve Best

intro

Welcome to the Abnormally Funny People Show, sponsored by Barclays. For further information please visit abnormallyfunnypeople.com. We hope you enjoy the show.

[playing music]

steve

Hello, and welcome to the Abnormally Funny People podcast. I’m Steve Best

simon

Hello and I’m Simon Minty. How are you, Steve?

steve

I’m very well thank you, Mr Minty? How are you?

simon

Good, thank you.

steve

The Bug Buster has gone.

simon

The competition prize?

steve

Exactly that, the Bug Buster.

simon

Fantastic. Who won it?

steve

Dave, from Preston. He wrote in to say he wanted the Bug Buster because he currently uses a specific plastic cup and a piece of paper to catch spiders. He said no one else in the house knows and he’s paranoid one day he will have to drink from it or he’ll have to come clean.

simon

Fair enough. A good reason. Congratulations Dave, the Bug Buster is on its way.

steve

And the self-stirring mug and the Bracelet Buddy has gone too.

simon

You’re joking me, three of them, all gone?

steve

Yeah. All three gone. So Katie has a self-stirring mug. The Bracelet Buddy goes to Elizabeth.

simon

Well, big congratulations to all our three winners. The products will be on their way to you as soon as we can after the show. As well as the competition winners we are getting feedback which is lovely. I’ve had a note from someone in Chicago who’s listening. I ran a training course this week and a couple of people came up to me and said, “We love the show, can you make it a bit shorter though?” That’s kind of them, although they might be right. And I got an email, there’s a new phone, it’s a smartphone for people who have no movement, so you can use the phone but just with the movement of your head rather than having to touch it.

steve

That’s great.

simon

And they’re looking for crowd funding to take that off, so that’s kind of cool.

steve

Oh, so it’s not out yet, the phone?

simon

No, they’re looking for funding, it’s called the Sesame Touch-free Smartphone. It’s getting quite a little bit of publicity.

steve

Maybe when it comes out we’ll review it.

simon

Very good idea.

steve

So if you want to contact us go to abnormallyfunnypeople.com.

simon

And you can subscribe to the show there, you can stream it, and we have a transcription of the whole conversation too.

steve

So this month’s show, the guests, who have we got this time?

simon

I think it’s going to be a belter. I shouldn’t always say that, but we have two lovely people with opinions galore.

steve

And I’ve met them both before and one of them only once I think.

simon

There’s Liam O’Carroll, he’s the actor and comedian.

steve

He’s the one I’ve met many a time before, and he’s been on the podcast; I think he was on the first show.

simon

He was indeed. Lara Masters is our second guest, she’s a blogger, she’s a model, not technically a comedian but she’s a big supporter of Abnormally Funny People, comes to loads of our shows.

steve

That’s the most important thing. And she’s the one I’ve met just the once I think, many years ago in Edinburgh.

simon

Ah, oh we’ll see.

 

[playing music]

steve

Welcome to our guests on this month’s Abnormally Funny People Show. First up is Lara Masters.

lara

Hello.

steve

Hello Lara Masters. Lara is a freelance writer, actress and presenter. You were a judge on television’s Britain’s Missing Top Model.

lara

I was.

steve

Is that right?

lara

Yes.

steve

And do you remember we met many years ago in Edinburgh? You don’t do you?

lara

No, I don’t remember.

steve

That’s all right.

lara

But that’s not you, I’ve got a thing, I’ve got that thing with the brain where you don’t remember faces.

steve

Yeah.

lara

It’s hereditary and my mum has it too.

steve

I remember faces but I don’t remember names.

lara

I remember your name.

simon

Is that a new disability thing going on there?

lara

I’ve always had it.

simon

Really?

lara

Yeah. My mum has it, I have it, it’s really embarrassing.

simon

Oh, this is quite an awkward start.

lara

Let’s just say it’s part of the disability though.

liam

So how do you get round it? Do you write people’s faces down on your hand?

steve

How does that work?

liam

Well, so you can constantly glance at it.

simon

You just heard another voice there. That was from Liam O’Carroll. Liam is an actor, he’s a stand-up comedian and Liam’s appeared on ‘Father Ted’ and recently ‘Friday Night Dinner’ where you played the most sarcastic piano tuner who is blind in the world. Is that your role?

liam

That’s right yeah, Mr Greencock.

simon

Did you enjoy that?

liam

I really enjoyed it, I thought it was fantastic. Making it was quite fun too.

simon

Because?

liam

Ah, well it was work. It was very well paid work. They look after you in television, they stuff you full of food.

steve

It’s great to have you both on the show. Let’s kick off with the Moment of the Month, we have a moment of the month, Liam, have you got a moment of the month?

liam

I have, yes. I was spending some time in a rural part of England in the last month with some friends of ours and we thought we’d drive and visit this pub and in the upstairs room of the pub there appeared to be some kind of little singing club going on, a little folk singing group in there, and we thought oh, we’ll join in. And I went along with this with some trepidation. As we entered the room, they were very welcoming, they said, “Oh come in, join us, sit down.” And as we got nearer there was me with the old white cane and everything and the guy said, “Oh, that’s a long flute.” And then I took a couple more steps nearer and then he goes, “Oh.” So we then sat down and watched as they all sang their folk songs and I got a distinct sense that perhaps our presence made them feel self-conscious.

simon

Was it just you, the only blind person or were there a few of you?

liam

I was the only blind person surrounded by none dis-abs.

simon

Okay. I like the flute thing. This was a genuine mistake do you think?

liam

Genuine mistake.

simon

He wasn’t trying to be witty and do one of those really rubbish disability jokes?

liam

No, not at all, no. I think he thought I was a musician coming to jam with them in a folk way.

lara

It does sound like they were all a bit stoned.

steve

Folk singers. But it doesn’t even look like a flute.

lara

Exactly.

liam

There are no holes in it as far as I know.

steve

Well it’s got a big bobble on the end as well hasn’t it?

liam

Yeah, a big round bobble, a big huge bulb shaped bobble.

simon

Thank you very much Liam, enjoy your folk club singing. Lara, do you have a moment of the month?

 Lara

Yeah, I have a moment of the month, it’s a moment of activism. This is how I’m dressing it up. You know there’s been a lot of talk about bums in the media?

steve

On your blog, yeah.

liam

Between blokes or…?

lara

Well not only in my blog.

simon

Oh, Kim Kardashian’s bum.

lara

Yeah, but before Kim Kardashian’s new bum shot there’s been a lot of bum talk.

steve

Has there?

lara

Yeah, bum implants are like the number one thing apparently for girls to get and there’s a lot of focus on bums.

steve

Bum implants rather than taking stuff out?

lara

Yeah.

steve

Oh, okay.

lara

Making them big and bootylicious, yeah.

steve

Rounding. Nice.

lara

I mean it used to be boobs and now it’s bums. So obviously I’m using a wheelchair and I don’t regularly see my bum so I don’t have a big obsession with it, you know, if its big, it’s small, whatever shape it is, I don’t have a big obsession because I’m not looking at it every day. But recently, I do this exercise where instead of using my hoist in the traditional fashion with a sling to get in and out of my wheelchair and off the bed what I do is hang my legs over the hoist and get my carer to hold my ankles and I hoist myself up to the ceiling and I hang, so I’m basically doing a handstand without my hands.

simon

So I saw this picture on Facebook.

lara

Yeah and you could see my bum.

simon

Lovely bum. The bit that scared the life out of me and I think you said it, if someone let go of your legs or they couldn’t hold you you’re going to come crashing to the floor and break…

lara

Yeah, snap my neck. I would die.

simon

Oh okay. So it must be really worthwhile, this exercise.

lara

It really stretches the spine and it’s very relaxing, but what I noticed when I looked at the photo was that I did have a very nice bum. It’s quite a surprise.

simon

Yeah, yeah.

lara

And I thought well you know what, if you’ve got it, flaunt it. And as a wheelchair user…

simon

How do you flaunt it?

lara

How do you do that? What can I do? So I immediately put that picture up on Facebook. And I thought it was…

steve

And a lot more people are talking about bums now.

lara

Yes, but also it’s a moment of equality because it’s a girl in a wheelchair’s bum. And how often do you get to admire a girl in a wheelchair’s bum? You see, we can’t use that in the way other women can, we can’t use our bums, you know.

steve

You couldn’t get a little cut out on the back of your chair?

lara

What, and have people lie on the floor?

simon

Oh that’s a good point. Well I could see it because I’m a bit lower, but others…

lara

Yeah, you and small children, I don’t know how that would go down.

steve

Like the massage things where you put your face through there you can put your bum through there and take bum shots.

lara

It would be so cold. But anyway, I thought that by putting this picture up was not only… It’s funny because I got this reaction which I didn’t expect at all, people were really surprised.

simon

That you had a nice bum?

lara

Yeah. And I thought well yes, how would they know? The carpets don’t always match the curtains or however that phrase goes.

simon

When the Kim Kardashian went up, and she has an ample bum, and for those that haven’t seen it she was balancing a champagne glass on the back and the champagne’s going up and over and landing in it.

steve

Extraordinary, extraordinary. Where was the bottle?

simon

She’s holding the bottle in her hands.

steve

Oh, in her hands, I thought it was like a bicycle, like she’s pumped a bicycle.

simon

You’re really taking it down aren’t you?

steve

I don’t know what you’re talking about! I haven’t seen the pictures.

simon

So women who have, oh and men, who have achondroplasia which is the most common form of dwarfism…

lara

Gosh, that’s such a big word.

simon

Thank you. They have disproportionately bigger bottoms. It’s part of the condition. And so Kim Kardashian’s bottom to me just looks like someone with achondroplasia, even a friend commented on Facebook, “She looks like someone with achondroplasia because of her bum.” The tricky bit I have, I have really quite long arms, so whenever I go to conventions and I’m speaking to my friends there, because they have slightly bigger bums and I’ve got very long arms I talk to them and I’m constantly touching people’s bottoms. It’s really to the point where…

steve

I like that, that’s great! Simon!

lara

That is totally playing the disability card.

steve

Isn’t it?

simon

I spent the whole convention worrying because, “Oh sorry, sorry.” No but I’m not having a squeeze, it’s a brush and it’s a constant brush, but it’s the complication of two…

lara

A brush, a squeeze. You know, potato, pot-ahto.

steve

No, it’s a clumsy fumble.

simon

It’s true and I’m telling you, I don’t know whether other people with achondroplasia, they have shorter arms so I don’t think they keep touching each other’s bottoms, it’s my SED long arms…

steve

Liam just doesn’t believe you, do you?

simon

It’s true, and it makes me feel genuinely quite awkward when it happens.

Liam

You just have to embrace it.

simon

Steve?

steve

Yes?

simon

Is it time for your…? Thank you Lara.

lara

You’re very welcome.

simon

I feel we should put a link up to the picture of your bum now but that may not be appropriate. Steve Best?

steve

Yes, I never get kind of endings to mine because mine are a bit showbizzy really in that I’m big time into, I love my magic, I was Young Magician of the Year finalist, 1985 I’ll have you know, and I’ve been in magic ever since and do you remember Wayne Dobson? Wayne Dobson? Do you remember Wayne Dobson?

simon

1940s?

steve

’80s. ’70s, ’80s. He did a show with Linda Lusardi, talking about bums.

simon

Oh this is topical.

lara

Oh, Linda Lusardi.

steve

Do you remember her? No.

lara

Yes, she was a Page Three model.

steve

Yes she was. And this last week’s been an international magic convention and Wayne Dobson was there and was and he’s still a very good magician and he was very funny and now he’s got MS. He’s had MS I think for 20, 30 years or something and so he hasn’t got any use of his arms but he invents stuff. So he used to do really good sleight of hand but now, and his magic is great, it’s really baffling stuff, but it’s all to do with the spectator doing the magic for  you.

simon

So has he adapted tricks so people who have limited movement could do magic tricks?

steve

Yes, or he’s done it in such a way that the performer, he kind of performs it but he lets the punter do the trick.

simon

Clever.

steve

Yes it’s very clever, it’s really nice stuff.

simon

So actually we’d call it a reasonable adjustment, he’s still directing it all but someone else is doing the physical movement for him.

steve

Yes. And so some of the stuff…

simon

That’s quite clever, yeah.

steve

Yeah, but there are some really baffling tricks as well, very clever

simon

So does he say, “Pick a card, no I’ll pick a card?” What does he do?

steve

Well he would get the deck on the table and then he’d get whoever to pick a card and do a trick with it in some way.

simon

And if someone else with MS was the punter, what happens then?

steve

Ah, this is the way the show’s going I think.

simon

You’ve got to think it through.

steve

You do actually, I don’t know if he thought that bit through.

simon

Thanks, Mr Best.

steve

And Simon Minty?

simon

Oh, I’ve got sort of two or three messy ones but I’ve just come from a bit of a posh lunch in a restaurant in Mayfair, I couldn’t park so you do that lap three times trying to find some sort of bay, couldn’t find anywhere so I knew I was going to get a ticket even with my blue disabled parking badge.

steve

And is Mayfair not a friendly…?

lara

Mayfair’s so difficult.

simon

Oh, it’s horrendous.

steve

They’re still putting double yellows as well everywhere, I heard in Mayfair.

simon

If it’s Westminster you can’t even do that, it’s just disabled bays. So I came out of the restaurant, the parking ticket was on the windscreen, unfortunately it was right in the middle so I couldn’t reach it, so I had to get someone else, and I said, “I really don’t want this but can you pass it to me?” And he went, “Well yeah, but I didn’t give it to you.” So that was nice. Then the concierge or the porter at the front of the hotel came up and said, “Oh I didn’t know, we could have parked your car somewhere else.” And I’m thinking, I love that idea, like there’s a, I don’t know, valet service, and then I said to him, “Well could you drive my car, because it’s all adapted for me?” “Oh, no.”

lara

Oh God.

simon

Anyway, that wasn’t it, there was just that little bit, and then I went downstairs to the low and I went in the sit down one because they have these little urinals on the wall which you can’t reach, and as I was washing my hands I looked at the urinals and above them, there were four urinals in a row, this is the gents obviously, and then there was the FT and the Telegraph. And I thought, oh this must be articles about this hotel, restaurant, and I looked and they were today’s. So what they do is they change it every day so when the gent goes in to have a wee you don’t know where to look so you just look up and you can have a little read of the Telegraph or the Financial Times.

steve

Was it a screen?

lara

Oh, so you don’t have to look at everyone else’s willy? Very clever.

simon

Exactly. The problem was I couldn’t see them anyway because they were quite high, Liam, you would still have a bit of a problem.

liam

I’d have a problem with that.

simon

If they were braille though.

liam

If they were braille I’d have to take my hands off the job wouldn’t I?

simon

Well that’s the problem isn’t it, it starts getting complicated then.

steve

Just one hand off the job wouldn’t you? Oh it’s too hands is it?

liam

I need two mate.

steve

Yeah. What for, the braille or…? Okay, I’ve got you.

simon

Moving on.

steve

That was good.

simon

So I don’t know if any of you saw this and I thought this was a really interesting bit. Now, it was a sort of bad news, good news. BBC News, ten o’clock, the day Pistorius was sentenced for five years.

steve

Did you say Dave? Dave Pistorius.

lara

No, the day Pistorius. The day.

steve

Oh the day, I thought you said Dave. I thought his name was…

lara

That’s so funny!

simon

That’s his brother.

steve

Go on, yeah.

simon

So the day Pistorius was sentenced the BBC led with that story and obviously it was about him being sent to jail. The next story, so this was the sort of bad news, good news bit, was the Polish guy where they moved some, what was it, some cells from his nose, and they attached them to his back and it meant that he had some movements so he could start walking again. But it was interesting because the BBC News led with two disability related stories but me being me I thought oh, that dodgy one, the one who killed his girlfriend, that’s really bad, but look, there’s this fella who’s started to walk again and I thought, oh it’s a sort of bad news, good news.

lara

So it balances everything out you mean?

simon

I don’t know.

lara

It’s a disability zero.

steve

That was the big news story…

simon

Prime, ten o'clock news.

steve

Really?

liam

The thing is, what they’re saying with that is they’re saying look, if only Oscar had had that sort of technological operation to cure him he would not have gone mental and killed his girlfriend.

lara

Yeah, but he doesn’t have a spinal cord injury though you mean.

liam

Well a comparable operation to cure his comparable disability.

lara

Lack of legs. I do think that is what they’re saying, they’re saying if he wasn’t disabled he would have got more years, which is ridiculous.

simon

So hang on, so as our token nondisabled person I wondered, am I thinking too hard, but I sort of had a bit of Liam and Lara thinking, oh they’re compensating, but would you think that, Steve, do you think there’s a connection, or do you think they’re completely not connected?

steve

I would have thought there’s some kind of connection, I’m surprised that they ran it straight after the other story so they didn’t have a big block of news in between, because usually that kind of story is at the end of, or used to be, at the end of the news thing.

simon

A good news bit, yes.

steve

Good news isn’t it, and I don’t know if they do that so much now, but yes I suppose so.

simon

You have reminded me, there’s Russell Howard who does a show called ‘Good News’ and it was meant to be an antidote to all the negative stories, actually he just takes the mickey out of loads of things and every time there’s always this is a good news story and every time I’ve watched it…

lara

It’s about a disabled person.

simon

It’s always about a disabled person.

steve

Seriously?

simon

And they’ll go oh isn’t that great? Isn’t that sweet? And I think oh, stop it.

lara

Really?

steve

But does he try and be funny about it or it’s just that…?

simon

Oh no, no.

lara

Let’s hear some good news, disabled people exist. Anything about them is good.

simon

The one I just saw was the woman who was surfing and don’t get me wrong, she couldn’t surf because of her paralysis or whatever so she was on the back of somebody but it’s a feel good story, it’s not just a good story.

steve

But it’s about disability?

simon

I haven’t watched them all but the last three, four, five, yes absolutely.

lara

But isn’t it amazing the way that happens, the way just our very existence as disabled people makes other people happy? It is amazing to have that gift as a disabled person.

simon

Yeah, we make people feel good.

lara

To spread the happiness and the love, literally by our existence.

simon

Okay, well thank you very much for your moments of the month.

 

[playing music]

steve

Have you got a funny joke or anecdote?

liam

Yeah, I’ve got loads of jokes but I’ll give you an anecdote.

steve

You have got lots of jokes, you do stand up.

liam

I do.

steve

Give us an anecdote.

liam

Anecdote, this is an anecdote, this really happened. I went to one of those hotels and…

steve

When you say one of those hotels you mean a hotel?

liam

I went to a hotel.

steve

Okay.

liam

And they were hosting a kind of job fair, let’s get the welfare bill down, more disabled people into jobs kind of fairs. So there’s every piece of tin pot, cowboy, crackpot organisation there that’s robbed millions of pounds off this unwitting government and got nobody into work, one of them things. I got some coffee and sat down and I put my coffee cup on its saucer on the chair next to me and then sorted me cane out, you know, folded it up and put it on the floor. A woman came over and said, “Oh do you mind if I sit there?” I said, “Yeah, but my coffee.” And she went “Oh, would you like your coffee?” “Yes please, I’ll have my coffee.” So I put my hands out, both hands, waiting for the coffee and cup and saucer to come into my hands. Nothing happened. Hello? Waiting, waiting. Nothing happened, and next thing I feel this kind of solid object bash against my mouth and then a hot liquid sort of cascading down my chin, off the edge, right down my shirt and into my crotch.

lara

Oh my God!

liam

And I was saying, “What were you doing!” And she goes, “Oh I’m just giving you your coffee.” “I didn’t mean feed me the…” You know. And I think I must have gone into some kind of diatribe, “That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen,” whereupon she goes, “Oh, oh, oh” and then she fled. And then this other woman came over and sort of took over and sorted it out and, “Oh here you are, here’s a napkin. Oh your coffee’s there, I’ll put it down and get you another one. She was very embarrassed actually, I think you were very rude to her.”

steve

Really? That way round.

lara

Oh my God!

simon

I’ve got a friend who is in one of those associations who are trying to get people back to work and he said they’re really hard because he said there are people who are blind who come out and they’re not dressed appropriately, they’ve got coffee all down them, you know, how are they going to get a job? Yeah? That’s fantastic.

 

[playing music]

simon

Now Lara and Liam, you were both sent an item and we’ve asked you here to talk about it. So neither of you knew beforehand actually what it was and we’ve asked you to record your initial reactions when you first opened the parcel. Let’s have a little listen to what Liam thought.

liam

Easy to open, lovely. Brownie points already. Ah, an item of jewellery. Mm-mm, I don’t go in for jewellery. Ah, they look like two tiny batteries, half the size of a triple A, so perhaps these are quadruple As. And like a pair of earrings. I love them. Oh. Are they meant to come apart? There are two of them, well they would be, they’re earrings. They feel nice, metallic, possibly expensive.

simon

Thank you very much, Liam, that was a very lovely description. Just to clarify and let you know what it really is, it’s a magnetic clasp converter by Gemma Scully Jewellery and it’s a clever magnetic clasp that can be used to convert necklaces and bracelets with lobster or other tricky clasps to an easy magnetic one so they can be pulled on and off a lot more easily. So Liam, we put that on a bracelet for you now and these are the two silver bits. There’s also a gold magnet if you have a piece of gold. Are you okay trying to put that on? Let’s see.

liam

Yeah that’s okay. Let’s have a look. Right, using my left wrist, let’s see if they can magnetically combine.

simon

Yes, they should attach together and kind of form a seal. Is it done?

liam

They’ve met and clasped each other, yeah.

simon

How’s it feel?

liam

It feels fine, yeah.

simon

I was concerned that the magnets might not be strong enough. I mean, is it fairly sturdy?

liam

Okay, well let’s try… I’ll wave my arm around a bit.

simon

Still on.

liam

They’re still on, yeah. I don’t know what it would be like for a thief who wanted to snatch it off. Steve, you could be the thief.

steve

It does come off but then the thief wouldn’t really know you’ve got one of these clasps on maybe.

simon

Do that once more because that seemed very easy.

steve

It’s come off.

simon

Yeah, I kind of sensed there wasn’t something quite right.

liam

Pull it off me. There it is.

steve

Pull it off you?

liam

Yeah. Come here you.

steve

Yeah, I mean it’s a magnet.

simon

So is it a bit like a clip on tie, that as soon as someone yanks it it comes off but it will stay in place so long as you don’t yank it?

liam

Yeah, I think so.

steve

I think your heavy arm movement’s not going to pull it off either, I think it’s got to be pulled off.

liam

Yeah, I think it’ll stay on pretty well.

steve

Yes, Liam’s dancing now.

lara

Yeah, it’s withstanding the jive problem.

simon

The bit I kind of like, because I do find them really, really fiddly anyway, not that I wear a lot of bracelets, but also my necklace, I have to take it off if you get an MRI scan or you get an x-ray or something,

lara

Oh that would be so easy then.

simon

Absolutely, that would be the joy because you just flip it on and off. Mine’s a real pain, I can’t often do it.

steve

Well how often do you have an x-ray or MRI scan?

simon

We’re disabled people, we have them quite frequently.

steve

I hear you.

simon

Well not all of us, but I have x-rays quite frequently.

steve

But you fly a lot don’t you?

simon

That’s true, yes you’re quite right. In security.

lara

That’s so handy to have, flying.

simon

As a female, being slightly stereotyped, what do you think Lara?

lara

No, I think that’s great, I love that product. It’s particularly good for me because I’m not doing that much jiving so that would stay on me. It would be really easy to get on, yeah, everybody would be happy, my carer, my husband, they’d love it, they hate the clasps.

simon

Okay. Liam, would you change anything about it?

liam

No, but you’ve just told me something that made me regret it. You’d miss out on those sexy moments where women say, “Hey, can you go behind and do up my necklace.”

steve

What you’re saying is, there’s a nice moment of putting on a necklace?

liam

Yeah, rendered redundant.

simon

You’re right, and it’s a very sort of gentlemanly nice thing to do, it’s kind of you’re helping someone dress, but in a very lovely way, yeah. So the person putting on the necklace is now going to be very independent.

steve

Very independent.

simon

So you go out for the evening and you’re slightly angry with each other.

steve

But you could still put it on, it’s just a bit quicker, that’s all.

liam

It’s just a big quicker, yes.

simon

But they wouldn’t ask you would they because they can do it themselves, that’s the whole point.

lara

With one hand.

steve

Well yeah, but if they want that sensual moment they would ask you wouldn’t they?

simon

Now, cost.

steve

£3.75.

simon

Thank you very much, Steve Best. £3.75? That sounds a bit wrong. I want you to rate it out of ten, so Liam first, what do you think if you’re giving it points out of ten?

liam

I’d give it seven out of ten. I’d knock a point off you see because it does come undone a bit easily at times.

simon

You want a slightly stronger magnet?

liam

Perhaps a slightly stronger magnet, yeah.

simon

Yeah, it’s a balance between being delicate I guess isn’t it? Lara, score?

lara

I think it’s really cool, I’d give it an 8.5 out of ten but I don’t think it’s going to cost £3.75. Is that true? That’s really cheap.

liam

That’s good isn’t it? It’s not bad is it?

lara

Is that really how much it costs?

liam

And you get the gold one and the silver one as well in the same package.

lara

I’d 100% get those, definitely.

simon

Steve Best?

steve

I’d give it eight.

simon

And I quite like it too so I’m an eight as well. Okay, thank you very much.

steve

That’s a successful one. So Lara, let’s have a listen to what Lara thought of her product.

lara

My carer, Cassie is with me, say hello.

cassie

Hello.

lara

That’s Cassie. She’s going to be opening the parcel for me and right, well let’s get to it, it’s quite big and sort of square. It’s black, something black peeking out. It may take a while, talk amongst yourselves. Oh, okay. Now, oh what is this? It looks a bit like a loo seat in shape doesn’t it? It actually says what it is on it.

cassie

Oh here we go.

lara

It says what it is. It says it’s a bag and lap tray in the shape of a loo seat. So let’s take it out and have a look. Lots of pictures of people using this, demonstrating you can use it standing up or you can use it sitting down. Very nice. Not a great deal of style gone into this. It is a plastic tray with a beanbag underneath basically isn’t it? Is that a beanbag?

cassie

Yeah.

lara

But it opens, it’s got a zip. Open it up. So what can we get in here? If you’ve got anything horseshoe shaped or loo seat shaped you could get it in here. My laptop would fit in there wouldn’t it, or would it not?

cassie

I think it would.

steve

There we go and here’s the full description, it’s called a Trabasack Curve. The Trabasack Curve is a, I can’t say this word, innovative British designed wheelchair tray which functions as a bag and wheelchair lap tray in one. So it can be attached to any type of manual or power wheelchair or hung over the handles of your wheelchair to carry your everyday essentials. So what do you think now, Lara?

lara

Well it’s very sturdy, it does stay in your lap, the description of it being a lap tray is accurate. You can put things inside it but it’s not that big so maybe there’s a bigger one for normal sized laptops, mine’s a little bit smaller.

steve

So everyday essentials so maybe yes.

lara

Lipsticks and stuff, makeup.

simon

But you could get an iPad in there couldn’t you?

lara

Yeah, you could get an iPad in there, yeah. It is sturdy, you could put things on top of it. It’s just I’m a bit vain for this product but I think it is a good product for probably a man.

simon

Yes, because I’ve got a couple of friends who use them and they sort of just flip it up and they write their notes and duh, duh, duh.

lara

And they’re men.

simon

Is it because, so it’s a bit black? I mean they might have other colours, we couldn’t tell, but is it the design or is it the colour or a bit of both?

lara

It’s both, it’s just not a sort of attractive aesthetic product, and because I use, I mean my wheelchair needs a little bit more customising and I haven’t customised it properly yet, but because I always like products such as wheelchairs or any accessories to accessorise me I would have a problem just because it’s so plain and black. And it would make me look boring, which I’m not.

simon

We had our mutual friend Shannon Murray on a few weeks back.

lara

Yeah, I love Shannon.

simon

Yeah, we all love Shannon. And she’s maybe the reverse because she says, “I want everything black, I want it plain,” so is that a sort of personal preference do you think as much, or are you still saying it’s quite utilitarian?

lara

I don’t know if it’s also the fact of just having a tray on your lap with a beanbag underneath it. I don’t know why that makes me feel uncomfortable but it makes me feel like a TV dinner sort of situation and it makes me feel a bit sad and lonely.

steve

So it’s useful, not particularly for you but maybe for someone else?

lara

It’s very useful but I am mainly ornamental. I’m not one for function and practicality.

simon

Good point.

liam

I love function and practicality.

lara

Oh well, you’d love it.

liam

So maybe it would be good for me, yeah.

steve

If you were going to change something you would change it to be a bit more trendy looks-wise?

lara

I just don’t want a tray on my lap.

steve

No, fair enough.

lara

But I think look, Liam, it’s like it was made for him.

liam

Yeah, it fits perfectly. I’ve got a similar sort of thing at home actually, it’s a square beanbag with a tray and it is TV dinners, precisely for TV dinners.

simon

There’s a little YouTube clip of someone using it and the bit that I thought was quite interesting, he’s a wheelchair using guy and he said, “I sometimes go to restaurants and go to places and I can’t get my legs under the table so what I like about this is I can still sit at the table but I’ve got my own little table as well.” So it depends where you are.

lara

Oh that’s sweet, yeah.

steve

So with the beanbag it is pretty sturdy.

lara

Oh it’s definitely functional, that will stay on your lap. It is a lap tray and you can put a laptop in it.

simon

What you are illustrating, Liam, is these products are meant for everybody, sometimes they’re great for disabled people, so this isn’t that you would need this because of your disability, you just think this is a great practical product which you would use?

liam

Yeah, I think it has mainstream appeal.

steve

But would you pay £39.95 for it?

liam

No.

lara

Would anyone? Is that its price?

steve

That’s the price, £39.95 yeah. And so to rate it out of ten, Lara, because it was your product, out of ten?

lara

Well to do what it actually says, it does do what it says so seven for the product but just I wouldn’t use it.

simon

Not for you.

lara

But seven for your common or garden disabled person.

steve

Liam O’Carroll?

liam

I’d give it eight because it’s got the additional bag space for storage.

steve

Sminty Minty?

simon

I would have gone seven but because it’s called Trabasack which is travelling back sack all in one but condensed I’ll give it eight.

steve

Eight, and I’d give it seven.

simon

So totting up the scores, by 0.5 of a point, both scored very well but the magnetic clasp converter just comes out ahead by 0.5 a point. So there we are.

steve

Well done.

simon

Okay, so reviewed both the products. Just out of curiosity do you individually have gadgets of your own, the sort of thing you would always use, the thing that you love to bits? So, I mean, Liam, is there something that is your favourite gadget?

liam

There is yes. It’s a thing called a Victor Reader Stream. It’s a kind of MP3 player but it has a voice which talks you through the menus so you can make notes like you would with any Dictaphone or you can play music, listen to audio stuff.

steve

So how does that work again? Sorry, I didn’t quite get that. How does it work?

liam

Basically there’s a voice that tells you what you’ve done so every button you press it’ll tell you. It’ll tell you where you are, what track you’re on, what the functions are, which application you’re in, all that sort of thing.

steve

So you’d give that ten out of ten?

liam

Yeah, I’d give this ten out of ten. I’m holding it up, the Victor Reader Stream.

steve

And how much does something like that cost you?

liam

Oh I don’t know, Access to Work paid for it.

simon

So it’s the size of a pack of playing cards essentially?

liam

Yeah.

steve

Poker size.

liam

And it’s got a little keypad on it like a phone keypad sort of thing, various buttons to navigate from different applications, so there’s a notes section, a music section, audio books.

simon

Is that audio menu much better to navigate?

liam

Yeah, it tells you everything, it tells you where you are and where you’re going and where you’ve been.

simon

And what you’re going to do with your life.

liam

Yeah.

simon

Yeah okay. Lara, is there one thing that you’re like this is what I swear by? This is the thing that’s really useful?

lara

My husband.

simon

Okay, can you…?

lara

He really helps me do loads and loads and loads of things and he’s like a thousand apps in one.

simon

He is also your husband, but something that somebody else… Obviously other people can get other husbands but is there something that people could get readily?

lara

No, I don’t really… You know what, actually we did find a gadget recently which was quite fascinating. My husband does complain a lot about when I ask him for something when he’s lying down on the couch and I ask him as soon as he lies down like, “Can I have some water?” and he’s like, “Oh God,” and we have a TV which is actually just connected to our computer and we don’t have a remote control but we found that you can get an infrared remote control for your  computer which acts as a remote control for your TV if it’s hooked up to your TV.

simon

Nice.

lara

And there’s no software, you just plug it in and then you lie down and then you’ve got a remote control and you can use your computer from lying down, I mean that is amazing.

steve

Have you just lost the original remote control for your TV?

lara

No, we don’t have TV, because we are principally against TV but we have a screen and it’s hooked up to our computer.

steve

Oh got you, so you use the monitor.

lara

And every time we want to change the channel or do some streaming or whatever we’d have to get up or, ‘we’, he’d have to get up and change on the computer but now we can just lie there and we can surf away like normal people.

simon

How many would you score that out of ten?

lara

25.

simon

Very good.

 

[playing music]

steve

So thank you again to our guests, Lara Masters and Liam O’Carroll. Before you go what are you up to right now? Liam?

liam

Just doing a bit of filming for ITV, a programme called ‘Off Their Rockers’, a disability version of it. We’re filming now at the moment at various secret locations.

simon

Do we know when that’s coming out, Liam?

liam

Some time in 2015. That narrows it doesn’t it?

steve

And secret as well.

simon

Is it called Off Their Rockers, Disability?

liam

They do need suggestions for a title.

lara

I tried to be on that programme.

simon

Did you?

lara

But they said I was too well known.

steve

Oh really? Oh because it’s hidden cameras?

lara

They obviously can remember ten years ago!

liam

Hidden camera stuff, exactly.

steve

And Lara?

lara

Building a house.

steve

Yes, you’re building a swimming pool.

lara

Not a swimming pool. I’m building a house and I’m writing a blog about it because even though I say I’m building a house obviously my husband is mainly building it and I’m mainly watching.

simon

Thank you to you both. That’s for being such fantastic guests. Thank you Lara, thank you Liam.

lara

Thank you.

liam

You’re welcome.

 

[playing music]

steve

Now, competition time.

simon

Indeed and our very popular competition, let’s hope we get lots of entries. We’re going to offer each of today’s items as its own prize, so to win all you’ve got to do is drop us an email or text message or even Twitter and we’ll put all the entries into a hat and draw out a winner. Do state if you’d rather the Trabasack Curve or the magnetic clasp converter.

steve

All the information is on our website, abnormallyfunnypeople.com or leave us a voicemail or send us a text on 07756 190561.

simon

Unfortunately at this point we can only send the prizes to people in the UK but thank you for listening all our international listeners. The closing date for this month is 1st December.

steve

And the transcript of this podcast will be on our website too.

simon

Thank you as always to Really Useful Stuff who supplied the items and to all their suppliers who are offering their products up for review. You can check out what they do via their website, it’s reallyusefulstuff.co.

steve

And again, thank you to our guests and of course our producer, Anne.

simon

Thank you all of you for listening.

 

[music playing]

 

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